there are good people in the world for you. Ive always felt uncomfortable. When I grow tired of trying to prove myself, it leaves me in a dark place making myself believe Im not good enough for anyone. Kara S. Its hard for me to let anyone else in. Before the holidays, they mistakenly thought to themselves, This year will be different; this year well have a nice time together. But then its never different. I don't talk to him on the phone either. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation onyour dad and try to figure out how bad it is. Otherwise you'd need to get some help maybe. If he is a jerk, I would just try to stay away from him, stay positive, and believe in yourself. If your father is toxic and still in your life, a therapist can also help you learn how to deal with them while still protecting your mental health. Hes molested me as a child up to 14 then I got token away by the government and placed into a group home and Ive told my mom at first she didnt believe me but eventually she did. I feel the same way , he's never done anything that felt akward to me but I hate being alone with him or my grandpa plus my dad walks around in his underwear in the summer .I hate having eye contact with him. This applies to both romantic and platonic relationships. Lulu B. If it makes you feel uncomfortable and make you want to throw up then he should stop. Father God, I ask for discernment for myself and my doctor around my digestive health. He had strange rules and payed attention to the weirdest details. Feeling overly agitated, like youre going to burst whenever youre around family, isnt a new phenomenon. 2 years ago I can do relate to this Reply Appreciate this comment Reviewed by Lybi Ma, Families are like fudgemostly sweet with lots of nuts.. . So be kind and respectful, but don't force yourself neglect your true views out of fear that someone else will have a different opinion. OP, you are NOT OVERREACTING. If you find that youre doing one or more of these things, youre not alone. Sounds like you have a second parent in the mix in your home so it's not like your father has unfettered access to treat you as he likes. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It makes me anxious and I blame myself even if Im not guilty of anything. Nina F. When people get upset with me, I automatically assume its my fault. Jennifer P. I tend to make desperate attempts to cling onto relationships in my life, particularly when they are new, and I am still unsure of the other persons feelings towards me. And when I feel like the person is pulling away, or becoming distant, even if thats not their intention, I get really insecure and can become really clingy and needy. A good place to start is by taking a few deep breaths, trying to reduce your anxiety around the stressful situation by bringing in your rational mind. I threw myself wholly into anyone who gave me the time of day. Therapy can be a great tool to not only recognize and identify this influence, but also interrupt the maladaptive patterns that are extensions from this primary relationship. I was 9, and he was 10. He really only seems to communicate well with my mother. As a dad, daughter now mid 30s. I honestly don't know why because he's never done anything awful to me really but maybe there's a reason I'm not seeing? Please help me Gramps. PostedJanuary 26, 2018 He's never interested in anything I do or cares to discuss things with me like a parent and child does. Click below to listen now. It isn't your fault. I needed my daddy and so I searched for him in other people growing up and often get stuck in unrequited love with people I cant actually have its a mess. I was so uncomfortable as Im still young. Its like all their reasoning and maturity went away when faced with close-minded comments and overly opinionated uncles. Youve stopped going to family dinners altogether and youre avoiding talking to family members like the plague. I've always been shy and uncomfortable around them. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. Did he actually love me? I was daddys little girl. I don't think he's been inappropriate with her, but I'm nervous that it might happen someday. To learn more about Childhood Emotional Neglect, you canvisit her website. We do live together, but currently I see him rarely as he lives in the US at this moment for his job. As social media continues to grow in popularity, more and more people are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental health advice. My son is 7. Conflicted trust issues, should I still stay. There are many reasons why you might grow to hate your father. Therefore, my mind thinks all men are like my father. what do I do? Im worried about my dad and the influence hes brought to me and this family. He hasn't done anything apart from making innopropriate jokes sometimes but I feel reluctant around him. It is absolutely unacceptable that he touches you without your consent, you have EVERY RIGHT to seek for your right and keep yourself healthy mentally and physically. She's your daughter and you get to decide who gets to have access to her. I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. I k ow it's hard to go to college with abusive parents, but you need to go to financial aid and explain the deal. I raised my son to be a good man, he is a a good dad. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. I have a really good therapist and I'll see if he can guide me further as well. Started Monday at 06:41 PM, By Always trust your gut. We spoke to The Mightys mental health community to learn some of the habits theyve picked up after growing up with emotionally absent fathers. Then, when you cant stand being with your family, do you believe the only solution is to distance yourself and ignore them? You feel violated because it feels as if hes making these jokes about you. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. There are all sorts of signs to recognize when your family is stressing you out to an unhealthy degree, and knowing and dealing with these stress signs can help you reevaluate your familial situation. And he keeps talking about touching my butt, or saying feel spank me when I don't give him a kiss as soon as he asks (in a joking tone), but I hate it so much that I literally have breakdowns as soon as I'm alone. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. Hatred can be difficult to cope with and painful to live with. This article explores some of the reasons why you might hate your father, the impact of these feelings, and some strategies that can help you cope. Stay safe, and I believe you will get through it. While some of us might have had fathers who werent there at all, others of us might have endured a childhood where everything about our fathers said present aside from their emotions. Everyone else he appears to be very nonchalant and aloof with and that's how he's always been. Jealousy might also sink in if your sibling or cousin is doing better than you in the eyes of your extended family. Thanks for reading. If you answered yes to any of these questions, youre emotionally connected to others. Consider these guidelines: Its invisibleand transmits automatically. I will blame myself for every feeling people around me experience. Like so clingy. Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts. Childhood conflicts with your father can cause you to develop feelings of hate that may accompany you well into adulthood. When we lack a strong sense of self, we want to be and do what everyone in our family expects of us. Recognizing what makes you anxious can help you build a strategy to deal with the stressor and therefore make you feel less gross about it. Maybe you could talk to your mom about it or come right out and ask him why he stares and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. In turn,it might be a little easier sitting down to dinner with your family. Know this. My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. He has never made any comments about my body but he has looked. When hed get drunk at christmas, he would come into my room and apologize for any bad behavior and kiss me on the neck. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. Speak to a mental health professional today to help you with your issues, or check out some of these helpful resources below: If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. Assuming Everything Is Your Fault. Staying Single: What Most People Do If They Divorce After 50, A Psychological Diagnosis for People Who Lie About Everything. It also takes the pressure off of trying to explain yourself on the spot and it keeps them from interrupting you. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. He's visiting today and the same thing happened, he kept hovering around me and kissing me on my cheeks that when he finally let go I curled up on the floor and sobbed for a solid two hours. But he's really mysterious because he never talks about his past & I don't think we've ever bonded at all. She did talk to my dad but he said he doesn't know about anything. If you feel uncomfortable, you should probably talk to your mom. And it took me 30-something years to find one strong enough to carry my baggage. Gigi J. Learn to value and respect your feelings. You are commenting as a guest. Ask yourself, What difference would it make if I held the belief that the people in my family can handle themselves? Change happens when you shift the way you view a situation. Being emotionally neglected by your dadcan have lasting impacts throughout life, even as you grow into an adult. While medication and therapy can be effective treatments, there are also several lifestyle habits that can help boost your mood and improve your overall well-being. Thanks so much for your honesty! There's a reason you are feeling this way. prettybarbie Read our, Reasons Why You Might Think "I Hate My Dad", Mental Health Impact of Hating Your Father, Coping Strategies If You Feel "I Hate My Dad", Alcoholic Fathers and a Child's Development, 'I Hate My Family:' What to Do If You Feel This Way, I Hate People: Why You Feel This Way and What to Do, I Hate My Mom: What to Do When You Feel This Way, I Hate My Life': What to Do and How to Cope, Daddy Issues: Psychology, Causes, Signs, Treatment, I Hate My Sister: What to Do When You Feel Hate Toward Siblings, Insecurity in Relationships: Ways to Cope. I don't know how to handle this situation because he hasn't done . pastoralcucumbers There are TONS of local resources that can help you get out, get on your feet, give you shelter, health insurance, reimbursement, free counseling and restraining orders and prosecution if you need. . I believe this book can help you understand your parents, especially your fathers reasons for his entitlement. If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or reach the Crisis Text Line by texting START to 741741. Going in with a clear mind and making a deal with yourself to take on any situation in a rational way is a good start, no matter how youre greeted. This all started when i caught my dad looking at my breasts and legs while we were talking late at night in the kitchen. Rather than yell and add fuel to the fire, gather those who are pertinent to the conversation and talk about whats on your mind. It used to affect me the opposite way when I was younger. he was very controlling and the more I think about it the more I categorize this as emotional and verbal abuse. Typically, there is a fallacy to this type of thinking as these partners rarely change. These feelings typically develop in childhood, depending on your fathers behavior and parenting style. Ultimately, they may struggle to connect with others, avoid intimacy, or be highly anxious in relationships. Re: Always wondered if my father abused me. When my best friend Sally's father passed away in 7th grade, I . He rages a lot and gets extremely agitated when he gets confused. Ever since I was a teenager, I've felt so uncomfortable around my dad. Since the start of our relationship, as bf/gf, he would always tag me along on his family occasions and bring me to his hometown. The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. Getting naked around someone new can be vulnerable, there's no two ways about it. Being related doesnt mean youll get along in every situation, share the same political views, or even enjoy each other's company. Family is family; they can be a source of comfort or the main source of stress at times, but theyre still a big part of your life. I hope you can find a safe way out and can get help. Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. I feel so scared for both my mother and I that it's paralysing at times. Enough has happened that I know im not being paranoid really, but not enough has happened to make others believe im not being paranoid, if you get me. This is referred to as an attraction of deprivation, as these individuals will seek out partners who are unsatisfying or disappointing in ways that are familiar to them, and believe that they will finally get their unmet needs from childhood met in the present through a corrective emotional experience. Read now. He's been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. I've never considered domestic shelters but I'll start researching. Oops! If you are uncomfortable around him, try to avoid him. I don't know what to do. To this day, Ill keep feeling abandonment or being ignored tucked away into a nice little drawer. The good night ritual may need to go since you're older now. Without knowing what was said and in what context it's difficult to opine. I'm sorry if this is a really crappy post and there's not a lot of information. Can you help me get over the feelings of love I have for a person with whom my relationship has ended? You sound exactly how I feel about my father and he did abuse me. Im the same. Wtf. He just stops talking to me whenever he feels like I should be punished but the thing is that I haven't done anything wrong. It can also lead to arguments and fights between you and your father, as well as tension and conflict with other family members. Weve said a word about. Because this needs to stop. Because of the age gap and difference is life knowledge, they tend to judge and give answers that aren't comforting. Give yourself a pep talk and make sure you have a good friend on-call that can lift your spirits if the fam brings you down. My family doesn't even speak to me. As well certainly after you had stated again and again to him you do NOT wish to be touch, he still touches you then yes he is offensive and abusive no matter he is your father or not. Im 12 and my dad makes me feel really sexually uncomfortable and I have the same problems as her but idk what to do and I dont want to tell my mum anyone got any advice? He's such a slimy asshole that he's financially manipulated us into this hole, she works but it's not nearly enough to be able to support us and she's not able to get a better job because when they first got married he didn't let her work and she was a stay at home mom for ten years (he said he would always support her and she should focus on raising me, then when their marriage completely fell apart he stopped supporting her but continued to pay for me and the mortgage). 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